I want to take a moment to talk about something close to my heart—the struggle of modern dads.
I genuinely believe it’s so important that we check in on dads. I can speak from personal experience about how hard the adaptation to fatherhood was for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a dad—truly, more than anything—and that’s part of the issue.
We live in a world that’s always “on”. For many, fatherhood arrives at a strange and difficult time in life. I became a dad at 31, and now at 33, I realise your thirties are supposed to be when you kick on in your career, develop yourself, be a super-present parent, and—often—deal with changes in finances and the pressure of providing for not just one mouth, but three or more.
Most days, I work from home. The end of the work day typically goes straight into my second job of being a dad. And I love that. But it’s tiring. There’s very little pressure relief. My partner and child are my world, and I want to do all I can, but I know I am sacrificing a lot of myself in doing so. The expectation—whether it’s from work, family, or myself—is to somehow be “always on”, excelling in every role. There are days when I feel like I’m running on fumes, but I keep going, because that’s what’s expected.
A friend recently said to me: “I’m working the hardest I’ve ever worked, doing the best I’ve ever done, earning the most I’ve ever earned—and have the least amount of money I’ve ever had.” That really hit home. It sums up the strange contradiction of this phase of life—pushing yourself to new limits, yet feeling like you’re barely keeping up, not just financially but emotionally too.
And it’s not just me. Nearly half of all dads (48%) in the UK recently reported their mental health was either ‘not great’ or ‘very poor’—more than double the number in 2023. Yet, the number of dads who are not seeking support for deteriorating mental health has also more than doubled in just two years (from 6% in 2022 to 15% in 2024). [Fathers Network Scotland] [Parenting Across Scotland]
This isn’t about comparing mums and dads or making it a competition. I see, through my partner, the sheer level of sacrifice and adaptation that parenting requires. It’s immense, and I have nothing but respect and admiration for it. But I do feel we’ve built a society where men often feel unable to say, “I’m struggling.” You feel wrong for admitting that vulnerability. You see your partner coping with changes that are immense, so you keep quiet. But the reality is, I know so many dads who are suffering in silence.
The stats back this up: 38% of first-time fathers in the UK are concerned about their mental health, and up to 10% of new dads experience poor mental health during the perinatal period (pregnancy and up to a year after birth). [GOV.UK] [Men’s Health]
I often reflect on how much fatherhood has changed from my dad’s generation. My own father was a great dad, but the early years looked very different back then. He worked incredibly hard to provide for us, and as a result, he wasn’t around as much when I was very young—something that was quite normal for dads of his era. He’ll sometimes joke about never having changed a nappy, and it’s a reminder of just how much the script has flipped. These days, dads are expected to be present, hands-on, and emotionally available in ways that simply weren’t the norm before. There are definite upsides—better paternity leave, more shared support, and greater access to childcare—but it’s a big shift in mindset. I’m consciously trying to do things differently and be there in ways my dad’s generation couldn’t always be, but I sometimes wish I had more role models for this new kind of fatherhood.
But with this greater involvement comes new challenges. The constant juggling act between work and home, the pressure to be everything to everyone, can leave very little time or energy for anything else. It’s not just hobbies that fall by the wayside—often, it’s friendships too. When you become a dad, you see your mates less and less. You put your family first, as you should, but those friendships dwindle. The result can be a real sense of loneliness, even as you’re surrounded by the people you love most.
The hardest part is working out who you are beneath all of this. Is the “old Adam” still there, or do I need to grieve him and get to know the “new Adam”? What does this new version of me like? Who are his friends? It’s hard not to feel a loss of self as you go through this transformation. Or maybe I’m just focusing down on what really gives me purpose and meaning now. I’m still working that out.
There’s also the question of how work fits into all of this. I’m lucky to have some flexibility, but the lines between work and home are increasingly blurred. There’s a constant pressure to perform at a high level professionally, while also being a present and engaged parent. Workplaces have come a long way—better policies, more understanding—but there’s still a lot more that could be done to support dads who are trying to do it all.
So, to my fellow dads out there: I’m very, very proud of you. You’re navigating fatherhood in a new world, with new expectations and new demands, and you’re thriving. It’s okay to hurt. It’s okay to feel like you’re losing yourself sometimes. But don’t suffer in silence. I can guarantee you’re absolutely not alone.
